I am feeling so un-normal.
Here I am, sitting in the states. I am typing on a laptop, surfing the web wirelessly, drinking a cup of coffee....and I feel like I don't fit it. Over the last two weeks, we have been able to reconnect with friends, laugh and celebrate with our family, eat too much....and I still don't feel like I fit in. I have been driving on smooth roads, using soft toilet paper, and eating American food....and I feel like I don't fit in.
What is wrong with me?
America just seems so...different. I've noticed that Americans are much heavier than Moldovans (malnutrution is a friend of style). I've observed that American churches are warmer, more comfortable, have nicer music, and sermons I can understand. I've liked American food, stared at commercials I've never seen before, and slept on comfortable beds.
Why don't I feel at home?
I'm feeling out of place. I stare at pictures of Pakistan, a country in which I've never been and I feel a burden. I talk with a friend from Siberia and my heart is warmed. I miss Moldova, my friends, our pastors, our discomfort.
My "normal" is now very abnormal. Strange food doesn't bother me. Squatty potties, foreign languages, and border crossings don't stress me out. And the joy of living amidst everything "strange" is where I want to be.
I just wish I could feel normal again.