I wrestle with money.
I struggle with the concept of it, the need for it, and at times the desire for it. There are personal desires, but mainly I'm talking about ministry and missions. I am not sure WHY, but it is always hard for me to ask for money, even though I don't profit from it! I could raise a million dollars and I wouldn't get anything more. I don't work on percentages!
But there are things that need money, and I know that next month will require more.
My random thoughts today:
- God is our provider for everything. Can I still believe that and share about the need? Is proper to share what our specific needs or it is better to say nothing and let God speak?
- I want to be totally ope and honest about our finances, especially for things like Freedom Home (formerly Home of Hope) and our church construction or planting endeavors. I TRY to get 100% of the funds, even if AGWM takes their 5%. Not always, but at the minimum, 95% of every dollar goes to the need. Often, I pay the %5 from my account just so 100% can do to the site.
- I don't want to exploit a story of a trafficked girl or a village child for the sake of money. I really get irritated at people that have a girl stand in front of a church and tell their horrendous story in order to move hearts. I wish more pastors would ask the tough questions as well.
- I don't have enough finances. I don't have enough for next month's expenses at Freedom Home. I do not have enough for the 4 church projects that I am staring at. I really would like God to do something big.
- I want to learn to live both generously and conservatively. I want to be generous in the right areas, but still remember that every dollar is someone's sacrifice.
- WHY is it hard for me to talk about money? I know that it is merely giving people a chance to build God's kingdom. Why is that hard?
- Why do some pastors avoid me out of fear I'm asking for support or money? Do I ask for it too much? Or not enough?