Yesterday was not a good day.
It started from the dreaded phone call that Nancy's mom had suddenly passed away. All of sudden, Nancy was no longer packing for a visit to see her mom and dad to packing for a funeral. A million decisions crashed into me yesterday.
- Do I bring the girls or should we stay in Moldova?
- The girls don't want to go back, but want to stay in Moldova. How do I resolve that?
- How can I comfort the tearful questions from the girls at losing their Grandma?
- How can I comfort their fear of not being able to come HOME to Moldova?
- Do we jeopardize our return if we leave?
- Can I even find tickets for us all, or afford it if we do?
- Where did I put my car keys? (amazing how stressful even that last questions can be!)
All this is complicated by the fact of our continued living permit situation. As Nancy left, she was given grief for her lack of a living permit, told not to return until we have resolved that. So if I leave with the girls, is this permanent? Semi-permanent? Two weeks? Three months?
Then I got the second call that I had to stop our interns that are en route to Moldova. They are missing one document, and NOW I am told they need it BEFORE they arrive here. Last night I frantically tried to track them down, locate a contact number, and have them halt before they flew into Moldova.
To paraphrase a once-read quote, I was facing a fork in the road. One path led to utter despair. The other led to total annihilation. I was praying for the wisdom to choose wisely. My high blood pressure was NOT being controlled by medication yesterday.
But the sun comes up, even in this snowy, cloudy, gray country. The girls and I have resolved to fly back tomorrow morning. We have found some good tickets. At 1 am, the living permit situation turned to the better, with a message giving some semblance of hope that we can resolve it. And I finally reached the interns and put their arrival on hold.
I love The Message's take on the Beatitudes, with the words of Jesus. "Blessed are you when you are at the end of your rope. When there is less of you, there is more of God." I don't have a lot of theological answers about death, life, and living permits. I don't pretend to grasp God's sovereignty, or our place in building the Kingdom of God. Simple spiritual platitudes don't sink too deep into my soul, usually causing more questions than resolving them.
But I know I can still hang on to God.
I may be stressed. I may have peace. I may have answers. I may be filled with doubts and questions.
But I will still hold on to the rope of Jesus Christ.
Thanks for praying,
Your missionaries to Moldova,